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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Addiction + Honesty in Blogging

Recently, my friend Taylor posted about honesty in blogging and the story that she told really resonated  with me. While I feel like I'm an open book, I do keep y'all in the dark about some things that have a major impact on me. I try to keep this space upbeat and happy but in doing that, I"m also keeping you at arms length. I consider so many of you to be friends and I don't like the idea of keeping secrets from y'all. I'm not the kind of girl to open up about her feelings - it's actually something I rarely do. When I do talk about things that are bothering me I tend to use a lot of humor to diffuse the severity of the situation. 

I've struggled for a few weeks with whether or not I would publish this post - because I like to keep a sunny disposition around these parts and because I'm afraid, but of what I'm not exactly sure. I don't want this blog to just be "fluff" and I want to share my story and what is really on my heart..even when it is painful. 

Taylor, thank you for giving me the courage to do this. You probably don't realize it, but your honesty on your own blog has inspired me.

- Addiction ruins lives. 
Roughly one in eleven people suffer from alcohol or drug addictions. Many more are addicted to an unhealthy behavior. (source)

I have been surrounded by addiction my entire life. 
My mother was a drug addict well into my teenage years. 
Each of my step fathers were addicts.
- an alcoholic
- a drug addict
- a sex addict
Some of them a combination of the three.

My Uncle, the one man who was a constant in my life (until the age of about 14) was, and still is, an addict. He denies it but I'm no fool; at this point in my life there is no hiding this sort of thing from me. I've seen it all.

It's a miracle that I don't struggle with addiction. 

My brother. My 17 year old baby brother, is a drug addict. Over the past three years he has been in and out of alternative school, juvenile detention centers, rehab, and county jail. He has seen the inside of more courtrooms than I'll probably see in my lifetime. 

He is such a smart young man but his addiction has a hold on him and he is making awful, unchangeable life decisions. If he continues on his current path, he hasn't got a future. 

I haven't seen nor spoken to my borther since Christmas. I've had to make the gut wrenching decision to remove myself from the life he has chosen to live. I've made the decision to protect my children's innocence & well being from their beloved Uncles lifestyle. They adore him and miss him terribly.

My brother's decisions have caused pain for our entire family. My mother can't even have both of her children + her grandchildren in the same room because I refuse to allow him access to my family. I hate knowing that I am hurting her by restricting her in this way - but I still have to do what is best for myself and my children. Still, she doesn't deserve that pain. 

I stood by my brother for three long years. I was his advocate. I tried to help him, listen to him, guide him, just love him. 

He continued to lie to me, break his promises to me. Betrayed me. He broke my heart.

Addiction has torn my family apart. 

Addiction is a disease. If you or someone you know struggles with addiction, please please seek help.

*Some of you have seen me interacting with my brother Jeff on IG. Jeff is my older baby brother and the only things he might be addicted to are girls, his truck, and hunting. I don't want any confusion as to whom I'm referencing in this post.
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  1. Addiction touches so many families including my own. Very brave post but I wouldn't expect any less from such a fearless sassy Texas girl. Thank you for your transparency and keeping those in your family in my prayers.

  2. Thank you for having the courage to write this. I have not had any personal family struggles with addiction, but have seen first-hand the damage it can cause during some of my nursing clinicals.

  3. It takes real courage to post something like this. Just know you're not the only one suffering with this type of pain, and know that you're not alone. You're definately doing the right thing by protecting your children!

    xo, Ashley

  4. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. Addiction is a terrible thing, and it hurts everyone it touches.

    Setting boundaries and breaking off communication with someone you love is so very hard - but it sounds like it was the right decision. You have to protect your children (and yourself).

  5. This really hit home with Lace. Thank you so much for you honesty and willingness to open up in what can be a cruel internet community (not always cruel- but there are always those few trolls).

    I too have family addiction and know all too well what it is like to have a younger brother (and my father) go through all this crap. *hugs* I wish you the best of luck with it all. Although it is a hard and painful decision- you are making the right choice by putting your family first.

  6. So sorry you have had to deal with this. My father is an addict and has been for my entire life. I no longer talk to him or allow him around my kids.

  7. Great post. I've been open on my blog that I don't have a relationship with one of my parents because of their addiction. They can't see my kids unless we are at my grandparents, where they are on their best behavior. That parent has only seen my smallest child 3 times in their three years of life. It's very sad. Thanks for your courage.

  8. I have walked an exact walk with my brother. He is no longer with us because of his addictions. This May will be 2 years. I tried everything I knew to try and do. But he was a professional manipulator. He could do no wrong and he was the one without the problem. But in the end, his addiction got the best of him. I am thankful he can no longer hurt himself or anyone else around him. Big hugs to you for sharing! xo

  9. Addiction is hard. Very hard - especially when it comes to your siblings.. one of my sisters is a drug/alcohol addict since I was in elementary school. I grew up seeing her life and thinking "I want to be nothing like that" it's nearly destroyed everyone in the family with her wreckless behavior including her relationship with her daughter. It's so difficult to watch even when I'm over 500 miles away. Sorry you are going through this but there are people who understand.

  10. Bravo! I'm proud of you! It takes guts to put it out there! I know... I had to turn away an entire group of literally left me friendless...but it was the best decision I made. God only knows where I would be today. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!


  11. Lacey,
    Thank you SO much for keepin it real with us! Things that we have to face in life completely suck sometimes; but it's nice to know that we can all be there for each other. At least one of us has been there & those of us who haven't support, love, & lift you up. I pray for your family....I pray for those still addicted AND for those of you who are affected by their addictions. I love you & I'm praying.


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