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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A New Beginning

Today, I'm pouring my heart out...

I've been avoiding this space for quite some time. True, I've been distracted, busy, and overwhelmed but I could have made time to write. I did make time to write - but not from my heart. You may have noticed lately that the posts I've been writing are sponsored posts - all of which I feel are meaningful of course - but I haven't been sharing about me and my life. My last real post talked about how all of a sudden everything in my life was changing, but I wasn't yet ready to talk about what was happening. At the beginning of the year I declared that my word for 2013 was change - and all year long I felt like I was letting myself down because I hadn't really changed anything. Well - change has come my friends and it came with a vengeance. 

In August our family was dealt a blow when my 54 year old father in law suddenly passed away. Our entire family was in shock and none of us were prepared to deal with the aftermath. My husband and his father were extremely close and he has had an awful time dealing with the loss of his father. After my father in laws' passing, it seems like everything just spiraled downward.


I've tried to maintain a certain level of transparency when writing this blog - I feel like it is important for those of you who read my nonsense to be able to grasp a real understanding of who I am. I've been lucky to meet some amazing folks through my blog, or blogging in general, and I've always been proud when they've told me that I'm exactly the same in real life as I come across on the internet. However, there are still some things that I don't share in this space for a multitude of reasons. It is a personal choice to keep some things private, but at this point things in my life are changing so much that it would be nearly impossible for me to continue to write here and not explain what is going on.

My almost 7 year marriage to my husband has been rocky at best. I've spent a lot of years being very unhappy for a variety of reasons. I wasn't happy with myself, I wasn't happy with him, I felt trapped and controlled. I made mistakes. He made mistakes. We tried to fix things - three times we talked about the "D" word. I stayed to try to work things out each time - and each time things always stayed the same.

A few months ago I finally decided that it was time to change. I always convinced myself that I needed to stay in my marriage - if for nothing else, for the children. Well, I'm here to tell you folks - that is not always the right thing to do. When my children began to imply that I "never should have married daddy because I'm always frustrated with him" I knew that the time had come. I had always thought that we did a good job of hiding our unhappiness but apparently that was not the case. I could no longer ignore the obvious: my unhappiness was causing my children to be unhappy. 

I made the decision to leave. My husband and I are going through a divorce. The children and I moved out of our home and we have moved in with my mother temporarily. We are adjusting well but life has certainly been chaotic. This transition certainly hasn't been easy on any of us but the amazing part is that it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm happier, I have more energy, I'm smiling again. It's been a really really long time since I've felt like myself, but I'm getting back there a little more every day - and it is the most awesome feeling. I'm just taking things one day at a time. I feel lucky that the kiddos are adjusting well and I pray that they will continue to do so. 


The death of my father in law and my pending divorce are just the tip of the iceberg for what has been happening around these parts lately. Luckily all the other stuff is happy! Stay tuned!

If y'all made it all the way through this post - kudos to you! Thanks for being patient and hanging in there with me while I've been pretty much absent for the last two months or so. I've missed blogging so much and I"m ready to jump back in - now that I've gotten this off of my chest maybe I'll be able to do that!
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14 comments:

  1. Lacey, I can't even begin to imagine how tough this must be on you and your babies. I'm praying for you during this transition, that it would be as smooth as possible on you and the kiddos, and that you would feel peace and encouragement in this time of change.

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  2. Hi Lacey, I'm stopping by from Shell's, so I did not know any of your back story before this post. I'm sorry to hear about the end of your marriage, but I'm glad that you realize that it is the best thing for you and your children. Wishing you the best of luck!

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  3. Wow. Hugs! I can't imagine how crazy that must be but I'm glad you're making a .change for the better.

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  4. Like Alison commented above, I'm stopping by from Shell's so this is my first time reading your story, but I will have to say that you are brave and strong for doing something that's right for you, and for sharing it.

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    1. Thank you for saying that MJ, I really appreciate it!

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  5. Its always very sad to see a marriage fail but its more sad to see a loveless marriage and to have children grow up with that as their environment. Good for you for doing something painful but better for you and your family. Happiness is crucial and you need to be smiling! Hang in there and thank you for sharing part of you.

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  6. Miss Lacey! I was wondering what happened to you and what was going on in your life...specifically with the kids and husband...but didn't want to ask. I'm happy to hear that even though you are going through huge changes right now, they are, seemingly, for the best. I want nothing but happiness for you, friend.

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  7. wow. I'm sorry to hear about everything going on and I'm glad you are already doing better emotionally.

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  8. I am praying for you and your kiddos well adjustment with everything you are dealing with. I have missed your posts and am happy to hear you are back.

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  9. It sounds like you are going through a lot of changes. Recently I have seen several divorces that have actually turned out really positive for everyone, my fingers are crossed that this happens for you and your family.

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  10. I'm visiting from Shell's as well, and wishing you lots of strength, patience, and peace as you go through this journey. I think it's admirable that you made a choice with conviction while considering the effect on everyone involved. Lots and lots of luck in the time ahead!

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    1. Thank you so much Ashley - I really appreciate your kind words!
      XO

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  11. I found your blog through Pour Your Heart Out and so glad I did. You remind me of the way I felt when my husband I divorced. I tried so hard for so long to make things work, but it just could not work. When we separated I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders, I could breathe again. Not only that my children were happier - the children I had stay married for, were and still are happier after the divorce. It's been 6 years now and I don't regret it in the least.

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  12. What a difficult time for you. It sounds like you are doing the right thing for you, for your kids. You need happiness in your life. xo

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